Deegie Interview

We caught up with deegie, a pop-punk artist who just dropped a brutally honest and daring new album EXES. This 10-track collection dives deep into the messy realities of modern dating, drawing from nearly a decade of personal journals. With songs that explore everything from fleeting flings to the lasting impacts of toxic masculinity, deegie offers a cathartic scream for anyone navigating the complexities of contemporary romance. We talked about her inspiration, her fearless approach to songwriting, and what's next on her journey.

• You’ve had a diverse musical journey in the pop-punk genre. What first drew you to this style of music, and how did your early experiences shape your artistic identity?

I’ve been a fan of pop punk since the early years with Green Day and Blink182 and Avril Lavigne being on the radio in high school, but it was really in the early 2000s when I got to college in Pittsburgh that I went deeper into the genre and came to love The Ataris, Something Corporate, Sum-41, Bowling for Soup, and Marianas Trench.  To be honest, it was some of my exes (PJ, Dan, Zach, who all have songs on the EXES record) who got me into pop punk bands.  For most of my adult life, I’ve taken on the sonic personality of whoever I was romantically involved with, for better or worse - boyfriends would burn me CDs of whatever they were into and what I stayed for is the anthemic melodies and the combination of directness with poetry in the lyrics.

• Before creating EXES, what were some of the pivotal moments or influences that helped shape your approach to music and songwriting? Are there any specific artists or experiences that inspired you?  

My parents exposing me to so much music, musical theater, music lessons growing up; my early obsessions with classic lyricists like Billy Joel and Ben Folds; my time playing in a cover band in New York City and finding a calling to play live rock music; going through The Artist’s Way and rediscovering my inner child and creativity; finding the LA songwriting communities that have inspired so much growth and vulnerability because I’m in awe of the artists I’m surrounded by here; and getting told by an A&R that my old artist project Only Bricks didn’t have any heart or authenticity and being challenged to pivot to a new mode of expression through deeige.

• The album EXES explores a range of personal and societal issues. What was the driving force behind creating an album that so boldly addresses themes like trauma, toxic masculinity, and the myths of romance?

They say write what you know, and these are some of the patterns I’ve experienced.  I didn’t necessarily set out to make a bigger point but I hope a lot of people can relate and can see the trends and commonalities between my stories and theirs and our culture’s.  To an extent, we’re not engaging in romantic idealization and toxic masculinity or feminine victimhood in a vacuum.  These messages are programmed into us repeatedly through movies, TV shows, and music, our schooling and religious experiences, from such a young age.

• You mentioned that the idea for EXES came from revisiting old journals. What was the most surprising or eye-opening discovery you made about yourself during this process?

I went back to my journal, which was all online on Xanga.com originally, just hoping to revisit who I was as a person coming of age, and what surprised me initially was how totally obsessed I was with dating, relationships, and avoiding being alone.  I didn’t feel enough about much anything else to write about it, with exceptions now and then for drama with friends or school and work stress. Seeing the narrow focus on guys laid out over almost ten years made me realize there was a gold mine to write about for a concept album about them, and also planted the seed of realizing there are some unhealthy patterns I have when it comes to love and relationships. I’ve been looking at that lately and it’s very eye-opening to see that I have tried to derive my self-worth from other people who weren’t particularly effective in meeting my emotional needs.

• One of the tracks deals with processing trauma after rape. How did you approach writing and recording this song to ensure it was both impactful and respectful to listeners who may have experienced similar trauma?

I took my time writing this song in a very safe and trustworthy partnership with my co-writer and husband, Joseph Lewczak.  I had done, about a year before we wrote Gray Area (Jeff), six months of trauma therapy and EMDR focused specifically on sexual assault and harassment trauma I’ve experienced.  So I thought maybe I had let go of a lot of the emotion around this event, but there was more that came out as we talked about what happened and tried to organize the themes into a song structure.  That makes me well aware of the impact this topic can have on survivors, but in the end, my artist voice as deegie drew us to press on the impact of directness more than we probably considered softening things for listeners who have been through this too.  It was incredibly important to me to not only use the word “rape” in the bridge, but also to make sure the instrumentation got out of the way of that word so it could fully land on the listener.  In a way it’s my own wake-up call to myself that it’s actually so clear in hindsight that what happened was a violation and a crime.  And I wanted to wake other people up with that too, maybe even some survivors who have compartmentalized their trauma like I did for a long time and gaslit themselves that what happened wasn’t rape.

• How do you handle the emotional weight of creating music that delves into such personal and often challenging subjects? How does this affect your mental and emotional well-being?

It was heavy, not gonna lie!  There were so many sessions that I walked out of noticing, wow I feel really depressed and bad now that I’ve relived all these details of being with this toxic person or that emotionally unavailable guy who couldn’t give me the validation I was desperately seeking.  I felt the suppressed grief that I always just brushed away by moving on to the next person, all of that came bubbling up.  Almost a year into writing and recording EXES, I listened to all of Herby House podcast (iykyk) which got me started doing daily meditations based on Letting Go, a book by David R. Hawkins, and that has helped me feel some of that stuck emotion and release it.

• Your music confronts cultural myths about romance and dating. Are there specific myths or societal expectations that you’re particularly passionate about challenging through your work?

The myth that you’re not complete as a person until you find The One.  The myth that a fairytale love with a fantasy version of a person, which you concocted, will rescue you.  The myth that everything is better in a relationship as opposed to being with yourself.  The myth that casual sex doesn’t have an emotional cost.

• What message do you hope listeners take away from EXES, and how do you envision the album impacting their perspectives on relationships and personal accountability?

I hope people see themselves in one or more of these stories and recognize where they held on to their power or where they should have, but gave it away.  I would love it if the record makes them think about how they place their personal worth and value outside of themselves sometimes (or a lot) in relationships.  I want to empower anyone coming from a toxic relationship to leave, or celebrate that they left.  And at the end of it all, I want them to be able to look back on their past loves and learn whatever lessons there might be to learn, but then be able to close and lock that diary and not have to torture themselves anymore about mistakes they might have made or things they could have done differently.  We’re all just doing our best as humans and these dating experiences make us who we are in a way.

• Looking ahead, how do you envision your music evolving after EXES? Are there any new themes or directions you’re excited to explore in future projects?

I want to keep doing pop punk because I love it and it’s so fun to play these songs live and feel the energy of them.  And I want to keep telling personal stories - the future direction might still involve shitty men, don’t worry - but I plan to expand away from the men I’ve dated. I guess I’ve put them through enough.